February 2011
1 post
An Unsubtle Reminder
Don’t follow “Boobmines” on Tumblr
I know this “Boobmines” thing is following you. But that’s because it was my first Tumblr and I didn’t realize I would be stuck with it as my Tumblr identity forever just because I didn’t want to change/delete the account when I lost the job that Boobmines was pertinent to. (Dear Tumblr, please for fuck sake let...
March 2010
1 post
An Important Reminder
This tumblr, The Boob Mines, is closed.
All actual tumbling is occurring at Success Is Not An Option.
I didn’t want to delete The Boob Mines, for nostalgia’s sake. But I also didn’t want to use it when the point (ie. my job) had expired. So I started SINAO. Then I discovered I can’t change my default blog and so I’m stuck with The Boob Mines as my Tumblr identity...
December 2009
1 post
Elsewhere
This Tumblr no longer tumbls.
It was a nice way to anonymously distribute funny observations about my weird job at a weird men’s publication.
But now I don’t work there anymore. Still, I don’t want to delete this stuff. So I have this other Tumblr over here.
Follow that one. Because nothing is going to happen here unless I get my old job back.
February 2009
4 posts
Well that was certainly a weird trip.
I almost started to enjoy myself for a second there. Oh well.
Sorry for anyone paying attention here. It was a half assed thing to begin with and now it’s over.
Raw, brutal economics at work, people.
The saddest part is that I’ll never get to to go the mansion.
via twitter
friend: Vermont teddy bear commercial continues to creep me out. Sexualized stuffed animals and infantilized grown women. Ew.
me: @friend You just described a normal day at work for me.
January 2009
5 posts
OH: “I also have a bra down here that we didn’t use. Do you want me to return it? Can we get store credit because it’s a $150 bra. The tags are on the bra. She never even put it on.”
There’s been a really kind of distressing focus on twins around here the past couple of months.
Just sayin’.
Everyday life is far out. I first realized that many years ago, when I turned on the radio and someone was asking a man to describe his most embarrassing experience. I’ve never forgotten what he said. “I was sitting at home one night, washing my trombone, when I looked through the window, and there in the moonlight on the crazy paving I saw a hedgehog. Thinking it might be thirsty,...
December 2008
6 posts
Sometimes going through the archives from the 50s I’ll pause briefly and think to myself, “dude, you’re ogling somebody’s *grandma*.”
One of the most perverse things a person can have to do here is go through the photo archives with the express goal of finding pictures of girls decently dressed.
Actual email excerpt:
“If you could amend the stripper before you do the cowgirls, that would be great. Thanks!”
November 2008
4 posts
Ok, the front page of the site today is promoting “See sexy pics of NAKED GIRLS EATING!”
I do not approve.
Is it a surprise that even the flu shots at this place are administered by hot girls?
October 2008
6 posts
This just went around the office email:
FOUND: Pair of jeans with a brown belt, one brown sock
WHERE: Near the 15W conference room
We are dying to know how they got there and who they belong to! Missing your pants? Come see me!
__After pressing for more details we discover:_
” They were found half inside out like someone took them off in the hallway (sock and all) and just left...
I’m going to go out on a limb here and posit that the skinny blonde in the waiting area — the one wearing the ‘HOT SEX’ t-shirt — isn’t here to inquire about a position in the mail room.
Every time I use Photoshop’s “Convert to Smart Object” command on a photo of a model I crack myself up.
No exaggeration, this girl’s boobs are shaped exactly like Hershey’s Kisses and it’s kind of freaking me out.
September 2008
9 posts
Rule of Casting Calls:
There must always, ALWAYS, be an “Amber”.
Notable terms from the morning meeting: “Va-jay-jay” and “muff”. Notable only in that it took this long for them to come up in a morning meeting.
Technical note: designs just happen. No need to ever acknowledge anything one of these “designer” people do.
If you can’t show a demure bit of sideboob at this job, where the fuck can you? I’m serious.
I just had a brief exchange with a cute girl on the elevator to the Mines who was SO EXCITED to be having her first TYCBOMT shoot today.
Honestly, it was adorable.
“Which governor would you rather filibuster” doesn’t even *make sense*.
Gah.
I find it sincerely creepy how often the term “coed” shows up in this publication.
It has similar currency to referring to dames as “broads” or “skirts”.
August 2008
5 posts
Slow. News. Day. →
Bloody CNN talking about the first project I worked on here at TYCBOMT.com: Girls of the [Ubiquitous Italian Restaurant Chain Redacted]
CNN!
From HR today:
One of the ways in which we can help achieve this goal is to limit travel and entertainment expenditures to what is absolutely essential.
This place was a lot cooler forty years ago.
Related…
To satisfy the worldwide outcry for such a thing, TYCBOMT is launching a new fragrance.
It will smell like cooter, cigarettes and Ben-Gay.
I’m sorry but it fucking freaks me the fuck out when I come across certain facts about the some of the girls who appear on TYCBOMT.com.
And I mean on a more profound level than finding out her favorite movie is “Joe Dirt”.
I mean when I find out she was born in 1984. Or later.
God I’m old.
July 2008
14 posts
Take from this what you will: it seems the image techs (ie. retouchers) here are terribly excited to be given anything to do that isn’t airbrushing boobs.
People, these boobs don’t move themselves, let me tell you. I’ve been hauling sixteen tons a day, easy, all week. Hence the silence.
One brief thing tho: this weekend I was talking to someone whose job is entirely tied up in Philip Morris and that whole cigarette deal. While I might have some small personal aesthetic differences with the general vibe here at TYCBOMT, I would way...
Endlessly amused that my current project prominently displays the phrase “See Her Super-Nude!”
I’ve been trying to think of an appropriate pseudonym for my employer. So as to avoid the google around these parts.
Until further notice, I will be calling it “TYCBOMT” for “Things you can buy or masturbate to”. I stole this from John Hodgman. I think he was referring to a different magazine (Maxim, maybe?) but it still applies.
So. TYCBOMT.
I still feel a little weird leaving pictures of nude ladies on my monitor. But that’s exactly what I’m supposed to have on my monitor.
I’ll get over it eventually.
Something you learn quickly here is, it’s always a bad idea to watch any of the videos where any of the girls might be attempting to speak.
Sometimes you find out that her favorite movie is “Joe Dirt”.
And that’s not something you can ever stop knowing.
I’ve got a file open right now called ‘porn.psd’. Because this is my job.
Actually, regarding my interjection of July 3rd, you *never* actually get to see where babies come from here. Never. It lends a sort of quaintness to the whole venture, really. Almost Victorian, in a slightly tawdry way.